I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
