Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
