I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
