I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
