she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
