I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
