we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
