We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
