the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I did not marry a roomba.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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