took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
