You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
