tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In America we eat man semen.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
