and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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