thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
