I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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