everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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