i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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