today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
