He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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