I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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