My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
