"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
