They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
