she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
