I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize