If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
