glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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