i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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