.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
