i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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