Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His nipple licking is glorious
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