Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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