I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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