shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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