sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
