That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
