So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
