My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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