You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
