we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
