just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
