so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
