we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
