maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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