i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
