He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
