Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
