can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
