Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
