hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
