party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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