You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
