is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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