i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
