my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
