Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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