So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
