i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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