Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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