I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
