maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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