i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
