Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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