I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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