Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
