He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
