i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
