u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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