1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
