she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
